Friday, January 04, 2013

Welcome to the Jungle!

Welcome to the Jungle! - Each day, I find myself increasingly less surprised by stories in the news. Yesterday, it was the two teenage girls who drugged the parents of one in order to gain unsupervised access to the Internet. Apparently, the parents routinely disabled the Internet connection at 10 PM each evening.

I am often told I have a very active imagination. I am, however, incapable of imagining what appeal the Internet could possibly offer that would allow these girls to rationalize their actions.

Today, I encountered the following:

  • "Cops Kicked Out Of Denny's For Being Armed"

    - Apparently, a Denny's manager told two cops they must leave their guns in their car or leave the restaurant. It would seem to me that having armed LEOs would be welcomed. Subsequently, the Chief of Police issued a ban on officers eating at Denny's.

  • "Potheads Could Soon Get Weed From Vending Machines"

    - The vending machines would require a fingerprint scan to verify the identification of the patient, which is then linked to a prescription on file. This signals the decline of our society directly and to a degree unequaled by anything else I have encountered recently.

  • "Second Trooper Suspended Over Roadside Cavity Search"

    - This story is genuinely creepy.

  • "Connecticut Town To Burn Violent Video Games"

    - This absurdity invites no comment.

  • "Woman Finds Bike Lost 50 Years Ago Swallowed By Tree"

    - It is simply astounding that the bike was able to successfully elude detection for 50 years.

  • "Inmates Sue Beer Company, Saying Booze Made Them Do It

    - They walk among us.

  • Jewel Thieves Pop Up At KFC"

    - Perhaps these Mensa rejects relied upon Apple Maps.

  • "Woman Honors Her Dead Cats With Tattoos"

    - Great Scott!

  • Woman Accuses Ghost Of Stealing Her Résumé"

    - Really?