Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Mission Unthinkable, Prayer Power, -and- Hippity Hop

Mission Unthinkable - Tom Cruise vows to eat his baby's placenta
Prayer Power - homeless man returns lost wallet with $900
Hippity Hop - Easter Bunny busted for attacking woman

Kevin Ray Underwood--a 26-year-old Oklahoma grocery worker--was arraigned yesterday on first-degree murder charges in the killing of a 10-year-old girl in what authorities said was an elaborate plan to eat human flesh. The Fox News Channel was reporting this story yesterday when a client who was in my office at the time asked me, "What do you think about the death penalty?" "In general, or specific to this case?" I asked. "Both," she replied. "In general, I believe the death penalty is imposed altogether too infrequently, and the process is inexcusably protracted. In this case, I believe the death penalty is mandatory."

She squinted a bit and wrinkled her nose (as liberals often do when they imagine they are about to say something clever) and said, "How can you balance support for the death penalty with your rabid opposition to abortion?" She smirked slightly, imagining she had presented me with a difficult question. "It is really very simple," I replied. "Kevin Ray Underwood is a loathsome, heinous beast who has condemned himself to an eternity in Hell by his actions. His execution would expedite his descent into Hell. Babies are innocent." As I expected, she was unable to propose a sensible argument and said, instead, "But it's a woman's right to have a pregnancy terminated, and everybody--no matter what they've done--deserves a second chance." "That is not an expressed position," I said. "It is merely the parroting of liberal propaganda. Such a statement necessarily belies actual cognitive effort on your part." The telephone rang, and while I was taking the call, she slithered from my office and disappeared from view.

Now, this is a serious police car! Click to enlarge.