Jim Carrey, Lindsay Lohan, and The ShamWow! Guy

Jim Carrey - Jim Carrey—the star of Dumb and Dumber proves he not only plays a moron in films: He IS a moron in real life! In case you slept through news of the recent antics of this cretin, he has authored an anti-gun song. Not only does he mock Charlton Heston—one of the greatest actors and one of the finest men who of all time—he espouses the pure idiocy that if one feels unsafe one should simply hire a bodyguard! If he continues with this profession, and if his career continues to nose-dive into obscurity, he will undoubtedly find himself unable to follow his own dictum. Bodyguards, after all, expect to be paid. The last performance of Carrey that I found remotely humorous was when he played Fire Marshall Bill on "In Living Color." This was ion the early 1990s. The movies in which Carrey appeared following this failed to draw my attention. The trailers generally curbed my enthusiasm sufficiently that viewing the movies was never seriously considered.

Lindsay Lohan - Speaking of career nose-dives: Lindsay Lohan's movie, InAPPropriate Comedy débuted over the weekend. This was a true box-office disaster—averaging a miserable $625 average per theatre!

The ShamWow! Guy - It would seem that the dismal failure of InAPPropriate Comedy is not fully Lohan's fault: The movie was directed by The ShamWow! Guy! REALLY! Vince Shlomi (a.k.a. Vince Offer) is better known as as The ShamWow! Guy—the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. The movie also stars Michelle Rodriguez and Adrien Brody. The movie must be an embarrassment to them, and Brody most certainly does not anticipate InAPPropriate Comedy leading to his second Oscar!

Why am I wasting valuable blog-post space on these idiots? I really have no credible answer to offer!

Upon reflection: Carrey's spewing annoys me on several levels: First, I am annoyed by all celebrities who use their recognizability to advance agendas. Carrey has no legitimate grounding as a Constitutional scholar, certainly, and he fails fully as a resource for credible societal studies and proposals. His dismissal of Charlton Heston is, in my mind, proof positive that his real-life persona easily exceeds the inanity of his film roles.

Happy Monday, however!

Busted!, Mommy Dearest, -and- Outsourcing the Picket Line

Busted! - Lindsay Lohan arrested for DUI, cocaine
Mommy Dearest - mom accused of hitting kids on flight
Outsourcing the Picket Line - union hires homeless for protest

On this day in history: July 24, 1999 - Former Guns N' Roses guitarist "Slash" is arrested in West Hollywood for allegedly beating his girlfriend at the Le Parc Hotel five days prior.

Born on this day in history: July 24, 1898 - Amelia Earhart (1898 - 1937) aviatrix She was the first woman to solo across the Atlantic and from Hawaii to California; mysteriously disappeared, 1937.

Today's Video: Ghost Ridin' Grandma

[While I slept] I was seated in the outdoor-dining area of a restaurant in Cabo San Lucas, conversing with a group of people who were sharing my table. I had just met them, and we were sharing our backgrounds. I felt something brush against my leg and looked down to see a small gnome-like boy crouching beneath the table. I remarked upon this, and a young woman seated to my right said, "Oh, that's just Bahia—Bahia the Crumbsnatcher. He spends his days scuttling about beneath the tables here in search of fallen morsels. Ignore him, and whatever you do, do not feed him."

I thought her warning odd, took pity on young Bahia, and secretly handed him a warm tortilla. He took it and devoured it greedily. I reached down to hand him another tortilla and felt great pain in my hand. I quickly brought my hand up from beneath the table and held it high, displaying to all a large Gila monster dangling therefrom, its sharp teeth tearing into the flesh of my hand. I screamed in pain and flailed my hand about.

The young woman sitting next to me grabbed my flailing hand and pierced the Gila monster's neck with a bamboo skewer. The Gila monster released its grip upon my hand. The young woman held the Gila monster for a moment, suspended by the skewer, then shook him loose from the skewer. It fell to the floor and scurried away.

"I cautioned you against feeding Bahia," she said, as she poured tequila on my wound and bound it with a linen napkin.